for once I took a stand to put a stop to this planned hurt planted seed
not just in me but for every lie and impurity I allowed to seep into me
you loved me so much you turned on me and made me into your enemy
why else would one run so fast every day away
is it the unconditional living circumstances gave oh well anyways
washed ashore on beaches we danced upon in our first days
Is what you fear so damn good you deny wanting it in the first place
I wont allow my feelings to control me or spiral much like yours
I will allow myself to feel them however, and let them change their course
you may twist and miss but I'll have protected the friendships true accord
because you are not to be trusted your lessons cost much more room and bored
can two people be paging to receive waving the flag for the same great upstage
to put a stop to the abuse and turmoil is to unravel this past age
and put forth an immediate blast of mental scrabble in animal cage
man dont lash out as you dash out take this gash out of your parrot mouth rage
tough lough is that what you say youve given me? I see
well from what I see all you've given me is excuses and insanity
and I give you the benefit you never intented to be handing back to me
unevenly but backhandedly living out of fear and anger impractically
Ive struck from fear and Ive struck from anger and powerlessness too
This message was meant to stay stuck but my touch was never designed to hurt you
Escpecially since this release of you was one you even asked me to do
Word for word I still carried out every action I said and you- yourself; couldnt do
Sorry to say though when your face tried to look away it stayed so-
Unforgiving staying cold vacant space saying I dont know no warm no glow
No form for showing how much it hurt to not just be able to say so long ago?
In too deep all your hurt words are aimed to divert me and to be a hidden torpedo
I didnt think Id see the day when even you stooped this low
but that doesnt mean Im willing to leave myself outside duped by your frigid cold
your lack of original masking in running from what your attracting truth be told
is a sign that there's a lot of youth still to grow to let any of your true wisdoms flow
What's so genuine about you and what isn't really real-
what do you want the world to think about how you really feel?
do you think you're the first to try and deny by opposite conceal?
and defy that truth that lies in your eyes as a disguise youre not willing to reveal
The cat is out of the bag and its me ow? paws? the holding back
Somehow you've always known you should be so crafty moulding that
Controlling power/love/pain/unfolding nine-lives over a gain game over splat
Hoping never having to be publically overseen not owning up to that
Why did you play along if you were always free to do as you pleased
Were you too used to the truth being the truest way to ease
That controlling me emotionally isn't(?) the result of how you really felt about me
That ironically your need to be the center of gravity was out of my inability
Your thinking isn't so Zen- if you think so, I think you should guess again
Craved sea-mental set sail so easily through due course off the deep end
I thought you would have used more force to defend your truest friend
Than walk the plank and pretend that someone put you all through this again
Cuz you're just the most popular and oh so very smooth
That the more your surround yourself with weaker-thans the more you lose
You can manipulate their emotions by witholding the just do's
Must you must be joking if you think I'll secretly buy into your molding ruse
To see someone that built me up this high; just to break me down
Makes me want to believe the obviouly lie that its all fake and meaningless now
Mistakes at this space cant be made and it's too late to be screaming this loud
Since you're defeated in an imaginary area there is no need to be with me now
I Realize that your lies had to be disguising conceptualizing I victimizing you
I dont need anyone to side with because I know that you and I know the truth
I know those real eyes I always first-prized when I looked into
That your feelings for me are just too much for you to persue just to undo
So I did it for you- as a favor to your 'desired 'goal
You wanted to run away because truth and desire were about to take their toll?
You couldn't magically cast a way with a heart sewn ungreat and so greatly unfull
So you pushed away your love boat instead of docking your beautiful boyant soul
Lies and twists and turns and rifts of hurt and pain ungiven gift exchange
Why do you despise my tries to out your cries I realize you exert in shame
Why don't you excercise more than flirts that keep you immursed in perverse game
Immature so unsure hurting people in a blur projected to stay the same
If you dont run away youll never know what you missed
But one who stands tall despite fear of fall more like geurilla in mist
You ll get more of an inheritance through sigourney weaver's kids
I cant believe our friendship sunk in such shallow waters as this.
Twist of Fate or spill of illusion all smoke and mirrors
Missed a date with no wish to fulfill but collusion poked through your tears
Making up bright excuses to blame others for your broken chandeliers
come knocking some new cents into you may pay huge divid[ed]ends; too dear?
Now that you know it wont be shocking no more mocking got that, queer?
Ill be stopping and dropping all those feelings I had about just how near
You were to my heart why did I ever start; your need was abundantly clear
You pushed away love because of so much bullshit your ego made up in fear
Taken advantage or taken for granted we rode the mind buster home unemptyhanded
Why is it you're caught up with demanding your freedom as all the fun disbanded
Something so true you go ahead and your abuse ensues the blues, dammit
So now I choose to turn my back to remove the smooth knife you nicely planted
I aint making statements that should make our co-creation fade in traces
Unless we face this with truth and not wash away the foundation of what made this
To whose dismay anyway and at what cost today does anybody care to save this
Didnt enough trust and transformation change enough antibodies to appreciate the greatness
Letting you let loose losing leapord spots quick like duck duck goose madness
repetitive wear and tear stagnation didnt seem ill faded by your unlucky badness
After all your heart-earned palpatations you burned yourself at the stake in black bliss
You came clean butt dirty tricks up your sleeve to reveal true texture of prickly cactus
When you use people to get what you want by witholding, bold flirts & taunts
I can forgive because it seemed we all had equally different needs and wants
I let you deep into a place where vulernability was indeed so non non-chalante
I thought you were a friend that was family till the end interested in what I really want
So lights out is the tale of the tape wormmy mistake Tyson bit the iron mic too late
So rather than instigate I will lie back and reawaken when im greatful for this toothache
Anti-cavity friendship seal I guess what felt most real has come & left just a bad taste
Except when you tasted your own when I kissed your face with your own flavor of fake
Even when you didnt want to you couldnt avoid the kinda magic two magicians ...can make
Well one musician, one electrician, one mindful enough to offer friendly addition you take
But then blackout ensued after natural selection that made our true nature bloom into fruition state
When tazers became the tool your own lightning almost thundered into comatose conditioned fate
My hand hurts but dammed if I will fall, no pitch no catch no knuckle ball
I promised myself I wouldn't hit the switch when I cracked and broke humpty dumpty's downfall
I guess this means things wont ever be the same or maybe they'll never change at all
Maybe one day we'll rearrange this screwy stage as more than a dramatic casting call.
Steven James Blair
©˙2009
formatting was NOT so fun with this one
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