No, Really, But Now Honestly

Just woke up from a nice little slumber and felt like there was so much I wanted to share, having had the past couple weeks that I have had, just even the past twenty four hours was inspiring beyond belief.

Just to be able to see enough to acknowledge the beauty and the limitless humor all intertwined in all our frustrations is really a beautiful thing.  To find the humor in our suffering is an amazing skill, but to find courage to end it is even harder. 

Amazingly, the more we are able to laugh at our own suffering (as a people, not just at someone else's misfortune), it turns into that courage as that fear melts away.

I feel again like I was able to gain much insight because of my realization of how much "stuck in a perspective" was the glue (ironically) that seems to be keeping my walls up lately.  And I have never been one to promote walls, (except for Dave) and stepping outside of my mind from time to time has really allowed me to see just how many of those I have-where they lie, and ways to smash through them; and how everything could all be different if I changed just one little small tiny, thing...

myself.

Not that I wanted it to be different per-say (south park goths he he)-, because this came from a great apprecition for just-what is.  [...not at the expense of 'what it isnt'.]

But really, underneath I did.

I wanted it all to be different.

I feel the last couple of days have offered a very different perspective, but not even by trying to "see it through someone else's eyes" but my trying to just close my eyes and "gain perspective" by going within and feeling that there even could be a different perspective, and that there was just sooooooo much more than what my habitual pattern-trained brain was used to thinking of.

Actually 'feeling' connected with the entire universe and what that 'has so much to offer that its as almost we're so scared of if it's potential for happiness because we all have that 'human' fear that inside that makes us dread a day when nature has turned our back on us, and we were left alone forever - we have that fear as if were bred not to believe that anything could ever offer this much protection and love and care and happiness that to turn yourself over to the power that wants to give you all of these things just looks, sounds, completely hokey and too easy...what's the catch?" we ask and we look for the 'other shoe to drop' in such a great sounding idea, and meanwhile feels impossible to us?  Such a hard thing to only think about.  We cant forget to allow ourselves to just...feel.

I think its a hard place to get to say:

I feel I'm never alone, at the very least- I'll always have myself ;)

and mean it.

We're only all/own if we choose to be.

More later

Steve

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(never-ending) Big Up List

Big Up Elise for FINALLY returning Blond & Blonder OMG.  And for bringing back Lisa Lampanelli to howl to!  So fuckin funny!  and cuz while she was working at global aware yesterday I bought an awesome book called Boys will be Boys (Breaking the link between masculinity and violence) by Myriam Miedzian.

Just cracking it, and it's already crazy, and for being the only girl to dress up AND crash a party she never even made it to?   lmfao

Big up Alex & Curve for checking out the Bio-Mat & The Free (see??!) Healing  I TOLD ya'll it was crazy- more proof that the best healing can be spontaneous and fun!  Thanks to Ramona @ maitrihealing.com

Big the fuck up Sarah & Sophie for rolling thru 80's workout style last night!! OMG

Big up my itunes for always/never 'randomly' playing exactly what I need to hear at the just the right moment.

Big Up Shaunasie for the magick and sugarcubes too, wow I needed that on a school night thank u so much!

so much more but must go get lunch. . .